Dear Goldschläger,

Hi, I found your Web site listed in Yahoo. I have a question. Is it true that drinking too much Goldschläger increases the risk of your skin falling off? Some medical journal report said that a mid-twenties man who drank about half a bottle of it a week over the course of a year had an autoimmune reaction and suffered major skin loss.

You'll understand if I'm hesitant to try your product if it's going to desquamate me. I thought gold was inert, but if I don't want my skin to peel off, I'd better stick to Captain Morgan or Dewars.

Good luck with your product even if it hurts people.

Josh Karpf

From the Anvil of the Schläger Meister:

Josh, did you know that the average human being consumes approximately one pound of dirt a year, and you are worried about gold? Hey, some of those people might even be eating that dirt to GET some gold, so we thought we would make it a little easier for ya. Seriously, the FDA has rules and stuff, and we pretty much follow them or we wouldn't even be able to even sell this fantastic drink. So relax, there is no need for concern, you can tell the neighbors it was all a big misunderstanding and they can go back to sleep now. And you, you can rest assured knowing that The Schläger would never lead you astray.

Thanks for writing,
Seriously,
The Schläger Meister
Judy Johnson
On-Line Design